When our twins were born I vowed to be a better mother than the mothering I had received as a child. I made several resolutions I was going to make in my own life to become not only a great mother, but a more humanitarian person. I was going to breastfeed, co-sleep, use cloth diapers, have a chemical free home, only eat organic food, maybe even not eat meat and dairy, never speak a cross or frustrated word, play every game, always say yes, surround myself with enlightenment and positivity, let friends who aren’t invested in the well-being of our family fall by the wayside, be a sexy wife, make more time for my partner, be a better daughter….. 🙂 Well, Well, I say to myself 7.3 years later – how are those empirically thought decelerations to conquer your parenting/personal life working out? Hmmm……
Here’s what it’s taught me, I make mistakes and parenting decisions are sometimes a bitch. Duho! I said the word – m-i-s-t-a-k-e-s….. hmmm, salivate on it for a moment, relish in it, live in it, live with it……it’s called parenting. There is no great book of decisions that comes with the child in the delivery room telling you how to handle life with a child. The book doesn’t tell you…….. that your twins won’t be able to breastfeed, that pediatricians are wrong formula isn’t all made the same, that you will struggle with the guilt of going back to work, that your mother in law will treat one of your children better than the other, that your stepmother will have words of advice which really at times you’d like to tell her to put a sock in it, that you will be mercurial on a whole new level with your partner, that you’ll be too tired to bring sexy back and all you want to do is sleep, that your house will look like a tornado of toys, diapers and whatever else is lying around 2 minutes before someone rings the door bell to visit, that you will struggle maintaining relationships with girlfriends who don’t have kids because no matter how long you’ve been friends they just don’t understand because they don’t have their own, that your closest confidant who you can truly belly laugh and swap war stories with will be mothers you met in a random playgroup, that you’ll be talking to your kids about sex and God at 5, that every fever and illness will worry you, that you know more than the doctors (you just don’t trust your mother’s intuition yet), that deciding where to send your kids to school will be a struggle, the list goes on and on and on….
However, each one of these decision is you as a parent putting one foot in front of the other and makes you, as it has made me, a person who has great confidence in knowing that I truly am, despite all the mess of decisions, making the best decisions I can for our twins. It helps you to understand the different between true friends and acquaintances (no matter how long you’ve known the people),it allows you to tune in to your intuition and trust it, it allows you to appreciate your emotions for what they are – a badge of courage and conviction in providing your child a care free life full of growth, love and laughter. Becoming someone’s mother means you have achieved the simplicity and ease of true love, without effort you are allowed to revel in your child’s laughter, teach them humanity and learn about who you truly are when you are loved unconditionally. You have allowed your self to love and be loved.
That, my friend, changes you, forever.
“Parents have the glorious opportunity of being the most powerful influence, above and beyond any other, on the new lives that bless their homes.”
~ L. Tom Perry